I call it a dump.

My mum calls it getting tired.

It’s when the worst is inevitable. It’s when I’m my worst self and I judge myself ALL THE TIME. It’s calling myself the names, the heavy face muscles, eyes leaking tears. It’s finding human connection akin to a grater on skin. It’s deep loneliness. It’s irritating. It’s impatient and raw and wrong. It’s excited exhaustion. It’s grey and limp and pointless. It’s a desperate search for a way out. It’s so boring. It’s stupid and futile. It impacts people I live with, people I love and who love me. It’s being awake past 4am and sleeping into the afternoon. It’s stagnation and frustration and it SUCKS.