I’m doing recovery work, very imperfectly.
So today was a cautiously better day. I got up and after a long coffee wake-up time I got ready to do stuff. Some of the stuff was with my folks. So I was mindful of how I was communicating, making the effort to stay curious and friendly. When I’m like this, I do better in my brain, and the situations are influenced by my energy. There’s a harmony that’s lovely for all of us. And we got a lot accomplished.
What I’m noticing now, is that my brain is starting to slip into a deeper, more familiar, way of being. There’s no particular trigger. I’m done my tasks, including choosing and acting my mindset. I’m fed. I’m at loose ends. I’m touching my phone a LOT. I’m starting to choose alone. I’m obsessively playing Tetris. I’ve had a little wine and a little cannabis. There’s absolutely nothing terrible in my environment.
And I’m having this feeling, this slip. Because my brain has a deep groove in it – major depressive disorder. My brain is really used to being there, in that mindset, with the behaviours that come with it.
Recovery work is a practice, and it has to be agile. It’s a skill set that helps create a new groove in your brain – a new belief, mindset, and behaviour. I think about how this practice has changed my life, and the biggest change is that the time I spend suffering is so much shorter. I’m faster at feeling the slip, and I’m way more skilled at finding my footing.
Here’s the secret:
Kindness
Acceptance
Comfort
Communication
Movement
Choosing
I’m kind when I recognize the slip, and consider what behaviours are contributing. I accept that the slip is happening, instead of panicking. I find comfort remembering that I have a 100% recovery rate to date. I speak into the feeling, and reason with it the way I would talk to a kid. I get up from wherever I am and I decide to do something towards the mindset I want.
So for me right now, because I want to continue my better day, I am going to put down my phone. I’m going to have a shower and put on fresh jammies. I’m going to watch one of the movies in my queue. I’m going to pat my kitties and then I’m going to bed.